This glass will remain half full, dammit

Yesterday was just one of those days, one thing after another going wrong until the only way I can think of to blow off that much steam is to go for a really long, hard run, ticking off the miles and pounding the hills as my mind goes numb and my anger dissipates. Ironically, therein lies the rub. As it turns out, my distance and hill running days are O-V-E-R.

After meeting with multiple specialists, each one better and more knowledgeable than the next, I had yet another consult yesterday with someone who finally spelled things out in black and white, with no wiggle room to form subjective conjectures full of false hope. In addition to some inconveniently permanent nerve damage, I also have multiple pelvic organ prolapse, and am not a candidate for surgery. In a few years I will run out of options and will have to resort to surgery, which may actually worsen my condition. On top of all of that, I was experiencing my third round of unexplained nausea over the past two weeks. I’ve been waiting to schedule a tubal ligation because I may end up having an oophorectomy, but am worried about the side effects of losing my ovaries at the age of 36. Suddenly, the possibility of going through early menopause was looking like the least of my problems.

There are three things that saved the day from being a total disaster. First, the specialist is a runner herself, and instead of sugar coating things and giving me a bunch of bull about cross training, we immediately engaged in a passionate discussion about speed work. Oh, to own a pair of racing flats again! Back when I used to run sub-9:00s, I could justify owning them. But after I developed asthma and then had a few stress fractures and then had Nina and the whole mess of issues that resulted from her L&D, well, they were a distant memory. But believe me, if I have to give up marathons, I will find some new way to focus that running energy.  I spent the afternoon Googling my old race splits and looking at racing flats, and started formulating a new training schedule.

The second thing was that I made the most amazing soup last night (recipe here).

The third? You guessed it – Nina is still an only.  Happy happy, joy joy!